Find the bolded letters
Do Not Use As Toaster (Unless You Hate Joy)
Bought the ZenithBox 3000 because the slot looked bread-compatible and the manual didn’t say “no jam.” Lawsuit-worthy omission, frankly.
Inserted artisanal sourdough. The tray inhaled it like a tired mall cop And the TV said “Loading,” which, if you think about it, is what bread does before it becomes toast. Added strawberry jam for firmware enrichment. The DVD player responded with Modern art: pixel confetti, tragic beeps, and a pop-up reading “No Disc,” which was hurtful to both the bread and the concept of belief. Machine made the sound of a violin crying into a smoothie - Exquisitely upsetting. Aroma shifted from bakery to “strawberry Taser.”. Performed open-heart surgery with cotton swabs. Found a tiny laser weeping jam. The toast emerged “al dente,” infused with notes of ozone and warranty violation. Crunch: 3/10. Jam Distribution: Jackson Pollock. Now the player only recognizes romantic comedies and emits a quiet raspberry when asked to play Action, which feels targeted.
